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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?